It has been quite an eventful December. There have been good times and bad, anger and tears washed away with joy and laughter. It is a month of celebration but this year was much different than all the others we've spent together.
In our early days and every year since, Christmas was spent with Brad's folks. My first one with his family found me in a home with Santa's displayed everywhere, a full, classic tree bursting with ornaments from the past and waiting for more from the future, with bags and bags of gifts crowded around the bottom. There were teenage grandsons putting up lights and one young great grandson enjoying the spoils of love. The smell of cornbread was everywhere. Pa was stuffing Cornish game hens with quartered lemons, garlic cloves and onions. Mimi was having a great time surrounded by family, her favorite Ramsey Lewis cd playing in the background. It was a joyous time.
Over the next several years our Christmas celebration evolved as the circle of life marched on. First, we lost Pa. In this month that we celebrate the birth of Jesus, we found ourselves mourning the loss of our patriarch, celebrating his life, the love and wisdom he had bestowed on each of us. Most recently, we laid Mimi to rest. That phrase 'to rest' makes me smile. I just don't see her resting now that she is reunited with Pa and other loved ones. I don't know what they do in Heaven but I'm sure whatever it is, they are doing it with gusto.
Early in December we took a 5 hour road trip to pick up a loved one wanting help. In the past, we gave the pros money to walk it out with him but we couldn't do that this time. The best we had to offer was ourselves, our unprofessional, inadequate selves. 'You can stay with us and we will do the best we can together.' It has been a standing, largely ignored offer for several months. I tend to be a pick yourself up by your bootstraps kind of person. I don't have much patience for people that have the opportunity for change but don't take it. My heart can be small and void of true love. Yet, here as hours turned to days, I found myself face to face with a grown man who was reduced to tears and ready to give up. I would say things like...
You've made it 3 days, it will get better. You've made it 5 days, it is getting better. Go to the workout room and break a sweat. Take the dogs for a walk. Imagine yourself working, living in your own place, your car in the driveway and your kids around - keep that picture in front of you. You have purpose.
Somehow we made it through the tough days and things may not ever be easy but they are easier. We are proud of him. It has now been around 30 days and he has a job and place to live with friends.
This year we are finding our way, making some new traditions, squeezing in as much love as we can as we go. Sometimes love is easy, natural, without much effort. Sometimes it isn't. Jesus spoke about the woman who anointed his feet saying, "her sins, which are many, are forgiven for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." I believe He was saying that this woman understood her need for forgiveness and having received it, her heart was so filled with love. If we could grasp the forgiveness we needed from others, [in essence, the hurt, pain, anger we caused], we would love them all the more for extending it to us.
Our grandson Trent was with us for just over a week to finish out the month with much laughter and fun. He is and always has been 100 mph none stop from the time he wakes until his head hits the pillow. This visit was no different. We packed our days full with the highlight being a trip to iFly. Even so, life has a way of hitting us all from time to time. One day he came into the Fox visibly upset. When I asked if he was ok he said no. So I asked him to let his memaw hold him. He might be 8 years old but he isn't too big for his memaw. In one motion he leapt into my lap balling himself up and resting his head under my chin. Then in a shaky voice full of emotion he says, 'I don't want to be mad at my dad!' Stop and think about that for a moment. I've been thinking about it on and off since he said it. Anger is a fact of life. For some more than others but still an emotion felt by all. Yet, in the midst of our anger have we ever thought with as deep and intense emotion 'I don't want to be mad at __________.'? My young grandson has a heart that is tender and large, full of hope, love and possibility. There is a lesson in there for his ol' memaw.
December is over and January is roaring on. May Love continue to expand our hearts as we roll through the new year.